Every Choice I Made For You
by riversong15
Summary: You can't choose who you love. But you can choose who to spend your life with. Brallie one-shot. Rated T for language.


Callie doesn't believe in fate.

If she did, that would mean that there was Somebody making decisions for her, deciding what her life would be like, and taking any sort of control she has over her future.

It would mean that Someone decided to give her a _really fucked up _life. And for what? To make her stronger? Give her some sad life story that she can use to inspire others?

Or does that Someone just have a sick sense of humor?

She used to think she was unlucky until she stopped believing in luck. It was just too hard to accept that she was so undeserving of it.

And it would make sense that everything in her life happened for a reason. I mean, one person can't have this much shit to have to deal with.

But then Callie realized, it wasn't the _universe_ that killed her mother. It wasn't _fate _that placed her in the godforsaken foster homes. _Destiny_ didn't walk into her room at night and take away what shred of innocence she had been holding onto for dear life.

People were the reason her life sucked. Her dad, the system, and _Liam_ had affected her and she had to face the cause of their actions.

Of course, it would only be so easy if she could blame it all on others. Every mistake, every slip up she wished would be somebody else's fault.

But then came Brandon Foster. The single most screwed up thing in her life, because he happened to be her _brother_.

_Foster _brother, but then again, that distinction won't matter pretty soon.

Yeah, soon enough, any thought that pertained to him was shoved aside, pushed to the farthest corner of her mind (because not enough willpower could get him out of her head), and the only word she could attach to him was Brother, not Boyfriend (even if he was at one point), not First Love (which was undeniably impossible to accept, so she just ignored it), the everlasting term meant to connect two people in a special way, even if it hurt like hell to know that.

Because while opening new door and creating new places to explore with the rest of the family, all they had was uncrossable boundaries and set rules to follow.

Don't look. Don't touch. Don't think. Don't wish.

And if this family taught her anything, it was acceptance. Accepting love, diversity, and everything about a person that made them who they are.

So it was no surprise that she had to accept this change between them. Decide not to taste the forbidden fruit from the tree of life.

Although temptation always lingered, like the looks they gave, the brushing of fingers, the thoughts that sometimes floated through their busy minds. Some rules were broken (or forgotten), and she found herself in too many situations, where emotions were rising and pretty soon the dam she built to keep it all in would just break apart.

It was like how she knew it would happen, with him demanding an explanation as to why, why does he still feel this way about her, while she has an answer that's all too simple and otherwise unspeakable. And she's kept him as far away as possible, stay out of arm's length, because any step in the wrong direction will result in lips on lips and skin blazing under his touch because yet again, she will make the wrong decision, although it's not really a decision when your brain decides to turn off and all rationality disappears with it.

Her life is ruled by the choices. Not Supreme Beings or make believe excuses, but by actions and consequences.

And her choice to have a family meant no relationship with Brandon.

This decision, she actually gave some thought to. But really, was there any doubt she wouldn't choose the Fosters? I mean, it wasn't much of a competition. Sure she loved Brandon, and every fiber of her being supported her feelings for him after that one kiss, but she had to be realistic. This isn't some teen novel written by Stephanie Meyer, it was her life. She doesn't get to spend the rest of her life with her true love.

Except, well, she does. Across the table at dinner, feet away lying in their beds, sharing the same last name, that's how she will spend the rest of her life with him. And soon enough, they won't even have that.

They'll grow up, go on different paths, different lives, having to choose _other_ people. People that they hope will reach their expectations of what it is like to not be in love with the wrong person.

But sometimes you're more in love with an idea. Sometimes the joy is in imagining.

Callie stopped picturing a life with Brandon a long time ago. Now she just tries to get through a daydream of her future without him without wanting to scratch her eyes out.

Because nothing in her mind could live up to the real life experiences she had with Brandon. And it crushes her when she realizes how people can let her down, but in the back of her mind, she knows it's not their fault. They don't know how much she depends on them, an admission that sickens her.

Because after years of people telling her she's strong, it's pathetic for her to be so desperate.

But seeing Brandon begging for an answer didn't feel pathetic. No, she thought he was strong to not give up on them. And maybe if it were just the two of them in this life, he wouldn't have to be the one fighting for them. But she chose to stand on the other side of the battle, white flag in hand, because deep down, she knows she'll wave it one day.

Because they're not sixteen anymore. They're not in San Diego, California. She's standing in the middle of his apartment in New York City, coming back after dinner with the whole family, knowing fully well she has to fly back to Seattle the next morning. And she knew it would be a bad idea when she agreed to go back to his apartment to give him a present, seeing the hope flash in his eyes as he nodded his head and they got into a taxi together, hot flashes spiking through her body when he put his hand on her back as they slid inside.

The ride back down 14th street passed by quickly as the taxi driver sped through the crowded streets of New York, her stomach turning slightly as he made a quick left turn, although Brandon looked comfortable, as if he were used to the speeding and lurching.

Or maybe because he was always comfortable in the tension between them, while she shuddered in fear, because it meant that despite being able to legally drink, their teenage lusts and attraction had grown to longing and desire, both emotionally and physically. It was a sign that there would never be a day Callie would not love Brandon, nor he her.

Of course, signs mean nothing. _Nothing, nothing nothing_, she chanted as Brandon stepped out of the car and she took the hand he offered, fingers clasping a little too long for friends, too short for lovers.

When she walked in, it was like she had entered the room with a different person. Suddenly, he wasn't keeping his distance, his voice dropped low in the echoey apartment, and she rushed to take out the envelope in her bag as he walked towards her.

Her stomach fluttered as he opened the invitation, to her art show in Manhattan. She figured he would have to receive one seeing as no one else would be able to come, and the thought that he would be there to keep her calm on an angst filled night was comforting. What she didn't anticipate was him giving it back

Because _he was busy that night_.

"Seriously? Brandon, you're the only one that can come. I need somebody there with me."

"You don't have anybody else? No one?" He took a step closer, and he looked unsure about what to say next. "What about your boyfriend?"

_Boyfriend_ was the only word he would use to refer to Ian, or Jackson, or whoever else she was with at the moment. "You know I broke up with him."

"Actually I don't. Because the last time we talked, you said 'You don't get to know anything about my life anymore.' And you've definitely kept me out of the loop."

"I was angry, I had called you to talk about my problems and you told me that if I wanted to talk about boys, I should call Marianna, because you couldn't _deal_ with the fact that another guy hurt me. You cut me out first!"

"You really think _I _should be giving you _relationship advice_? Tell you that there is another guy out there who will love you with every cell of his being and _never_ hurt you. Because trust me, there is."

_There_, he finally said it. "This is not about _us_, Brandon."

"Then what is it about? The fact that you chose to do an art show in New York City, where only I could come, the fact that you didn't just give me the invitation in front of the family, you had to come back to my place and do it in private. I mean what is _with_ that, Callie, why did you orchestrate all this, if not for this conversation?"

She did plan it out. She wanted to fix things with Brandon, show that she is reaching the branch over to him, take back the words she said. She _decided_ to put them in a position to hash it out, away from the ever-watchful eyes of their mothers and Jude. No more freaking subtext in the glances. No careful wording around the rest of the family. Nothing that says _We can't be around each other without someone to referee._

"I want to bring you back into my life, B. I want you to be the person I can talk to everyday about our jobs and friends, how paying taxes suck and moms keep bugging us about money. I want to feel happy when I'm around you."

"You're not happy around me?"

"Are _you_?"

He shrugs. "I could be worse. I could never be around you again."

She closes her eyes, the window to her soul (and lately, her heart), as he continues on.

"I want to be that guy for you. And I was wrong about before, I do want to see you hurt. I want share every feeling you ever have, experience everything with you for the rest of my life, even if it only lasts one more day. Because I'd rather have one day left on Earth with you than an _infinity_ of days without you."

The next few moments are silence as she refuses to speak, because there's nothing she can say without ruining this whole thing, not when he keeps making speeches, not when he wears his heart on his sleeve, and is simply asking for something they- _she_- gave up on.

"I still love you Callie." She opened her mouth. "Please don't, Callie. Don't speak," her eyes meet his and it's all she sees in his low-lit apartment, "Today, our mother's celebrated being married for five years. That same day, five years ago, we shared our first kiss. And since that day I have never loved someone like I have loved you. I used to be scared that I would get over you, that I would lose what made you so special to me, until I started hoping that the next girl I met would be the one to do it. Because I didn't want to keep loving someone that would never be able to love me back."

"I don't regret any of the girls I was with. I loved something about each of them. When I heard Lou sing, she was mesmerizing. She was the rocker girl I had always dreamed of, she was music come to life. And at a time when I thought I had lost that part of myself, she was exactly what I wanted. But the way I felt when I heard her sing was only half of the chills I would get when I looked at you playing the guitar I gave you."

"Every girl I was with had a little of you in them, and I always found myself focusing on that part that I wouldn't see the whole person they were. And because of that, I might have missed out on moving on. But I can't stop it. I'm in love with you, and I've decided to stop trying to find something in someone else that only you have."

She knows exactly what she has of his, and if she could gift wrap it and hand it to him, she wouldn't want to. Because he has the same thing of her's.

"I don't want it back." He says. "At this point, is as much yours as it is mine. And you can choose to accept everything I give you or give me your one last answer, and I will never bother you again. Just tell me what you want."

_You, God dammit, I want you_, but she didn't want to even tease herself with that idea.

But her fingers itched to touch him, on his face, his hands, his chest, to have everything pressed up against her, and he was waiting patiently for her to answer.

He wouldn't ever leave her. Even if she did say no, he wouldn't disappear from her life. He would always be within arm's reach, waiting for her, loving her, and she would love him _more and more_ for it.

She has a family. She has a home. And she could bank on the mothers' forgiveness, when they find out. And she would make sure to tell them, the sooner the better, because she wants more days spent in the sun that hiding behind a wall of lies.

And if she were honest, the person that would care the most about their situation would be herself.

She thought of walking up to him and listening to that gift he gave her, those feelings that have finally been allowed to stay inside of her heart, choosing the finite days she had left, together with him. And then she actually did it.

Because while everyone else imagines a string they have to follow to find their way, all Callie has to do is make a choice.

And every choice she made, she made for herself.

And him.

* * *

Author's Note: If you don't know me because I've been MIA for so long, here's a quick intro:

Hello, I am riversong15. And I am a Brallie shipper.

Having the show back on, getting a new laptop for my birthday, not too mention the amazing amount of free time I have, expect me to be more active on this site. As in, updating my stories and trying to comment more on others. And please tell me if you liked this version of writing, I tried to make it like a more complicated version of what I did in _It Didn't Matter_, and I want to know if you think "Nailed it" or "I have no idea what is happening, please take this down", so review, favorite, the gist of what us authors on this site love, and I'll see you guys _very _soon. Have a lovely day.


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